Is it better to give or to receive? For Monica Jenssen and her two-year-old daughter Ruby, the answer - at least when it comes to the impact that the Burnaby Family Life Institute has had in their lives - is clearly both.
On the receiving end was friendship, support, education, and resources - all of which turned an overwhelming and challenging period in Jenssen's life into a period of growth and happiness.
On the giving end: T he simple wish that others will be able to access the same services, and doing whatever it takes - be it telling their story to the NOW, or gathering donations in lieu of birthday gifts to give back to the organization - to help make that happen.
Jenssen's experience with the organization - which is celebrating its 40th anniversary this fall - is a model for the dynamic relationship Burnaby Family Life has had with the city and its residents for the last four decades, and for what it hopes to achieve not just in a global sense, but in the lives of each and every person who comes to them.
UNEXPECTEDLY EXPECTING
J enssen, now 31, had been working in the accounting field for several years building a successful career for herself when life took an unexpected turn.
In one of those moments of ironic timing, Jenssen - who had known for some time that she wanted to be a parent - had decided to adopt as a single parent and had completed the adoption education program through the province's children's ministry when she discovered she was pregnant.
The father, a man from her past whom she'd reunited with, was not interested in being involved - he suggested the child wasn't his, and soon after changed his phone number.
She wasn't able to track him down again for another two months.
Family reaction was mixed.
Some were excited for the first grandchild on the way; others were not - the fact that the baby's father was black, while Jenssen herself is white, initially created conflict with one family member.
"I cried hysterically," she recalls.
But that was just the start.
"Five days after I found out I was pregnant, my boss's sister told me that they were closing the office due to the recession . and I would soon be out of a job," she remembers. "I was so upset about being single, pregnant and jobless." she says.
"I had a terrible time coping with the physical illness associated with pregnancy, and I was very scared going through it all alone. I often cried . wondering if (my child) would ever even meet her father or the rest of her family."
Jenssen was beginning to feel more isolated as her activities narrowed - she couldn't continue her college studies because she was due partway through the semester, and she had to stop going at Olivet Church.
to her yoga classes as her pregnancy progressed.
To top it off, she went into the doctor about a concern with her left breast - and was rushed in for a biopsy with the thought that she likely had an aggressive form of cancer.
"I spent two weeks . thinking that I was going to die before she would even be old enough to have any long-term memories of me," she said.
Fortunately, it wasn't cancer, but the episode was just one more emotional rollercoaster during an already tumultuous period.
She had previously connected with a local parenting group, but many of the people there already had older children, and it wasn't the right fit.
But a public health nurse she met told her about the Pregnancy Outreach Program at Burnaby Family Life - and she soon discovered a place that "fit" just right.
GROWING AND CHANGING
Executive director Jeanne Fike says they've heard time and time again that the organization is one of Burnaby's "best kept secrets."
"With over 100 programs each year it's hard to describe all the things BFL offers, but key service areas include counselling for children and women survivors of abuse, a broad range of life skills, communication skills, and parenting programs, pre-and post-natal services for pregnant and parenting moms and babies, employment reading programs, ESL programs and family life education programs," she said.
And, if they don't have what someone needs, they'll connect that person with another community organization.
Fike first got involved herself as a young mother, with a two-year-old and a second child on the way after a neighbour invited her to attend a parenting course.
"I had no idea what she was talking about and said 'What's a parenting course,'" she recalls. "Well, together we took the STEP (systematic training for effective parenting), and it really changed my life."
The rest, as they say, is history - Fike became enamoured of the work that the organization was doing and, over time, become more and more involved, first as a volunteer and later in progressively more significant roles.
In the early days, the organization was small, but those involved were excited about the impact it could have.
"It was 'pioneering' work, and I was thrilled to belong to a network that promoted families," she says. "I was learning so much, felt great passion - indeed, a 'calling' for the work."
The organization, like the city itself, has changed dramatically over the years. In 1986, they served about 100 clients annually; in 2011, that had expanded to more than 4,000.
In the same period, they went from offering just one program, to more than 100; from offering services in only English to now in five different languages (not to mention the 46 languages spoken collectively by various employees); from annual revenue of $18,000 to a budget in excess of $3.5 million.
Programming has gone from a focus on parenting, to include everything from pregnancy to immigrant and refugee services, children's services and more.
"When I was growing up in Burnaby it was mainly a white, middle-class bedroom community for commuters who worked downtown. The population was 70,000 - we swam in Still Creek and Deer Lake; there was no freeway, no Metrotown, no SkyTrain," says Jeanne.
"Now, Burnaby is one of the most diverse cities in all of Canada - indeed, 51 per cent of city residents are foreign-born and 55 per cent speak English as a second language."
Fike says she's "fiercely proud" that Burnaby Family Life has evolved with the changing needs of the community and helped to provide what was needed to residents.
For some, what's needed is extensive and ongoing - for others, like Jenssen, what's needed is an open door, friendly faces and a little support at the right time.
After Jenssen's daughter Ruby was born, she transferred from the Pregnancy Outreach program to the Baby and Me - there, she says, she found support that helped her successfully breastfeed, despite facing challenges in the wake of the birth; she received education and information about baby nutrition, and additional resources in the community.
They connected her with Fraserside, a New Westminster organization that helped her access funding which allowed her to return to school to finish her accounting management diploma, something she says she wouldn't have been able to do without help.
"And all the wonderful friends that I met through BFL that I still keep in touch with to this day - (without BFL) I would not have met so many wonderful women,
and my daughter would not have their children as her playmates," she said.
Most of all, she says what she got led to, simply, being a better parent for Ruby - learning how to handle the stresses of parenthood and getting back on her feet with education and a strong support network.
And despite the initial conflict in the family, little Ruby is much loved by both her grandparents, says Jenssen.
After having received so much from the organization, Jenssen knew she wanted to give back.
When the time came for Ruby's second birthday, they decided to ask for small contributions - even just $2 - to Burnaby Family Life, rather than gifts.
"I want to teach my daughter to be a caring, community-oriented person and not too focused on material goods," she said.
Jenssen said that, aside from focusing on the important aspects of a birthday - like family and friends, rather than gifts - the idea also helped take pressure off the other parents.
Especially for single parents, the cost of attending a birthday party can be prohibitive.
Most of all, she hopes it will help, in some small way, to continue the programs that she found so valuable.
"It is amazing to see what they do with their money.
"The weekly program I went to had outreach workers, a public health nurse, a nutritionist, a healthy lunch to eat every week, and speakers on important topics," she said.
"The impact of their programs spreads so much farther than just to the women who receive their direct support."
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