I remember turning 20, which is now the age of my youngest son.
I was an adult, but most of my life was still ahead of me. The world was wide and wonderful, and the horizon of my future was unlimited. I had few regrets, and I had all the time in the world to do everything I wanted to do. My friends and I had big plans.
With each decade, birthdays acquired a different meaning. By 30, the horizon was visible, and by 40, it was clear that I would soon be closer to the end of life than the beginning.
When patients would tell me, “Don’t ever grow old,” I used to take it as an unintended curse. Isn’t it better than the alternative – to die young? Of course, they were lamenting the physical and social challenges of aging: the wearing down of the body, the loss of independence, the loss of friends and loved ones, the accumulation of medical problems and a growing list of prescription medications.
Along with these are the spiritual challenges of aging: (1) acceptance of the end of life and overcoming any fear of death, (2) finding resolution in our relationships and our regrets, and (3) finding continued meaning and purpose in life.
I’ve learned much from my oldest patients, including the fact that wisdom is not necessarily proportional to age. It’s been said that we become more like ourselves as we age. The stubborn become more stubborn; the thrifty, more thrifty. Yet this is not invariably true.
My wisest and happiest patients have gained perspective with advancing years. They accept the world, others and themselves as they are. They recognize the things they cannot control – including the inevitability of change and the eventual end of life.
But at the same time, they accept the responsibility to make the most of what they have. Looking back, they recall the blessings of good fortune and the kind actions of others in the past while forgiving and letting go of past regrets. Carrying less baggage from the past, they live lighter in the present.
One great task is the life review. In our golden years, as we reflect on our lives, the story begins to make sense. Everything leads to something else. What once seemed to be chance events would later acquire greater meaning. It’s as if our life was a novel with the past foreshadowing the future, and everything was necessary.
Realizing that they cannot keep what they’ve accumulated after death, they are more generous. They give back to the world and give forward to others. This becomes their purpose and legacy, to live beyond their selves.
Life is a gift, and like all the great gifts in our life – kindness and love received and lessons learned, it is not ours to hold forever but to appreciate and pass on to others.
Dr. Davidicus Wong is a family physician. For more on achieving your positive potential at every age, see davidicuswong.wordpress.com.
