In a recent column, we recognized that the root cause of all the problems in the world is a false sense of self – the illusion of separateness and a sense of disconnection.
With this polarizing mindset, we will always have war, terrorism, hunger, violence, abuse and crime.
It takes a village to care for every person within our village. We share responsibility for the care of our planet and the well-being of every other person on this planet. What harms one harms us all. When we take from the world – and take from another – we are diminished.
Social connection – having a sense of belonging and feeling close to others – is also crucial to your personal health. If you have a strong sense of connection with others, you’ll enjoy higher levels of happiness, emotional wellbeing, greater self-esteem and better physical health.
On the other hand, having a low sense of connection is a greater risk to your health than smoking, high blood pressure and obesity. Lacking a sense of belonging increases one’s risk for anxiety, depression and antisocial behaviour.
What are the causes of our illusion of separateness?
We can begin with how we see ourselves and our bodies. Our minds tend to hold a static concept of the self, ignoring the fact that the components of our bodies are in a state of constant change, renewal and aging. You would be hard pressed to find any cell in your body as old as your birth certificate.
You are intimately connected to your environment. The material of your body is created, recreated and fueled by the food you consume. You are part of the water cycle, and we all share the air that we breathe.
Our brains produce a steady changing stream of thoughts, opinions and moods, and much of our suffering is the result of clinging and identifying to them.
Thoughts and feelings of anger, fear and hopelessness further contract our sense of self and our sense of connection with others.
If we see ourselves as separate bodies, competing with all others to get the greatest advantage, make the most money and experience the most pleasure at the expense of others, we will enjoy the satisfaction of connection.
We have to stop seeing “the other” as different and separate. Our narrowed, lazy minds are quick to affix labels that categorize and diminish other people in terms of colour, class or gender. Rather we must see “another” who is also an equal, feeling and thinking being.
Though we may have different individual histories and experiences, we share the same basic needs, emotions and aspirations, and the greatest emotional need is to feel connection and belongingness.
What are the remedies for disconnection? How can we foster deeper social connectedness?
1. Acknowledge another.
When we are rushing about and distracted in a crowded city, other people become nameless objects or part of the background. In appropriate situations, we can acknowledge each other’s presence with eye contact, a smile and a friendly greeting. It may make an elevator ride less uncomfortable and more pleasant than strangers looking at their own phones.
2. When you talk, dialogue.
Listen at least as much as you speak. Seek to understand. You’ll recognize the emotions we share and understand another’s story.
3. Look for your connection.
You have something in common with any person. We are all someone’s child, cousin, friend or soul mate. We are all imperfect but still worthy of love. We all have some redeeming qualities or noble aspirations.
4. What goals might you share?
Destructive unions share enemies, prejudices, hate and fear, pitting one side against another. This is the dividing fuel of extreme nationalism, racism and terrorism. Alternatively, how can we work together to help one another and our community? How can we be better together? What can we create synergistically?
One of my greatest dreams is to be part of the creation of a community – a nation and a world – where we can say with love and honesty to every person we see, “You belong here.”
We will all feel as equal and valued parts of a greater whole.
Davidicus Wong is a family physician.
