It may not be as common as losing weight or paying off bills, but the resolution to spend more time with the family is a common theme for many. Every family is different but most face the same challenges: time, finances, balancing work and other demands, and sometimes just an uncertainty about how to get the most out of the time they have with their children.
Today, reporter Christina Myers shares some ideas from Ruby Banga, a coordinator with the B.C. Council of Families, in the fourth instalment in our ongoing series.
Keep an eye on future editions of the NOW for expert advice on everything from getting your home organized to learning something new in 2012.
We talked to: Ruby Banga, program coordinator with the B.C. Council for Families
Question: Can you tell us a bit about the B.C. Council for Families?
Answer: B.C. Council for Families is a non-profit provincial organization that supports families and family serving professionals in B.C. We understand the needs of families and we develop programs, services and resources to help families. Our vision is healthy families in a healthy society.
Throughout our long history, the B.C. Council for Families has consistently advocated that prevention, promotion and early support must become a valued and essential part of the continuum of supports and services to children, youth and families.
By strengthening and supporting families through information, education, research and advocacy, we believe we can reduce the risks for families and prevent problems before they start.
Q: Many people feel that they don't spend enough time with their kids, between work, chores, errands, etc. Can small pockets of time - if well used - be as valuable as big pockets of time?
A: Quality time is important; parents giving their kids undivided attention, and letting the child take the lead in what and how to play, but it's also really important to give kids lots of short moments of attention throughout the day or whenever you're together. These interactions can be as small as a smile, touch on the head, an affirming comment about something the child is doing; just showing the child that they're in your heart throughout the day. Kids who get this kind of ongoing, consistent recognition and affection learn that they don't need to act out or go for big reactions - they know they're loved and appreciated for who they are all the time.
Quality time might mean planning for a consistent, scheduled time each day that the child can look forward to. Thirty minutes after dinner playing a game, drawing a picture or talking about their day, will all build the connection, help both parent and child learn about each other's interests and ideas, and show kids that parents put them at the top of their priorities.
Q: Any tips for ways to carve out a bit more time with our kids - and what to do with that time once it's been set aside?
A: In today's world, parents/ families are definitely under more stress than ever before. It's important to remember that you can take advantage of times when you are running errands, such as picking up dry-cleaning or picking up the kids from school. It's still valuable time spent with your child.
Q: When a family has kids with a lot of different age ranges, it can be hard to feel like everyone's needs are being met. How important is it to set aside one-on-one time with each child?
A: Every child has different needs and everyone wants to feel important. That one-on-one time with your child is important. Plus it's easier to have meaningful conversations when another child is not interrupting. You might have regularly scheduled "alone" time with your child, but it is not always possible, so you may have to grab those moments whenever and wherever you can, as they appear. However long or short, it is important to remember it is valuable. It might be something simple like walking the dog, or cooking together, shopping, going for a bike ride, watching a favourite TV show together, etc.
Q: Alternatively, how about family time where everyone is together - and what kinds of things can people do as a family, regardless of the age ranges, to spend time together?
A: There are several things a family can do together. Simple, routine easy things like sharing a meal together - at least once a day. There are many benefits to having a regular meal together.
Other things families can do together regardless of age is go outside! Play! Go for a nature walk! Get moving! Be active! More and more in the U.S. and Canada we are hearing about the lack of activity and problems with obesity in children.
Q: Finances are also sometimes something that's seen as an obstacle to family time. Do low-cost and simple activities get overlooked, and what kinds of things would you suggest?
A: Finances are tough for most people in today's world. Finances can definitely be an obstacle to family time if it's going to cost a lot of money to visit the aquarium or go to a hockey game with the entire family. However, they do not need to be an obstacle. There are many, many free or low-cost things you can do as a family when money is tight. And, yes, we do often overlook these lowcost, simple activities. I think we get a lot of mixed messages from the media about what we should buy and do. Go to the library - in addition to books, most libraries carry DVDs. Free movies! Build a fort indoors, go for a walk, go to the beach, have an indoor beach party, have a spa day at home. Or visit your local Family Place or family centre. Family Places offer support and parenting information and host several programs or groups you can attend with your child. Most of these things are available for free or low-cost.
Q: In the long run, what is the benefit of having strong parent-child-family relationships?
What does the research tell us about how kids fare in differing environments relative to the amount of interaction, support, etc. they get at home?
A: Strong, loving and positive parent-child relationships are the basis for attachment, creating resiliency in kids and helping children feel that the world is a safe place and other people are trustworthy. Parents are their kids' first and most important teacher; they should never underestimate their role in their children's social, emotional and intellectual development.
Kids need to know their home is a place of love, acceptance, support and guidance -with that safe base they can explore the world, learn, take risks and weather stress and challenges.
For more, see the council's website at www.bccf.ca. Follow Christina Myers at www.twitter. com/ChristinaMyersA.
