Look, I’m really happy for Vivienne Mills, who won a staggering $10 million after matching all six numbers on her Lotto 6/49 ticket purchased on PlayNow.com for the April 3 draw.
I really am.
But she’s putting me to sleep.
Mills will not be that big jackpot winner.
You know what she’s going to do with her money?
“Well, I’d like to buy a new car,” she said. “Right now we have a truck, and it’d sure be nice to have a smaller car that’s easier to get into parking spots.”
(Sobs quietly…)
She also wants to share the money with her two children and four grandchildren.
“I want to set the kids and the grandkids up right away,” Mills said in a news release. “We’re looking forward to paying off our grandkids’ education, their student loans and helping them buy a house.”
OK, she is a pretty awesome grandmother for wanting to ensure a great life for her family. I really do appreciate that.
I just wanted her to say something like she was going to hit the craps table in Vegas and live on the edge. Or maybe try and buy her way onto one of the SpaceX trips. Or maybe hire the rock band Primus to play Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver at her birthday party.
I hope that at least it’s a really fast car she’s going to buy. Please, give me something.
