“Don’t stand so, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me.” - The Police
Hey, I love people, I really do. I’m a hugger and a lover – I’m a midnight cuddler. But not right now.
No, right now I want you to get the hell away from me. I don’t care if you’re my mother, my best friend or a complete stranger.
This shouldn’t be news to anyone with COVID-19, and yet I’m constantly having to shoo people away from me because they are getting way too close.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been in the grocery store in Burnaby trying to pay my bill when the person behind me bolts from the giant instructional sticker on the floor and walks up next to me.
Like, just a few inches away.
And then they give me a dirty look – at least I think it’s a dirty look behind that mask – because I tell them to back off and go stand on their sticker.
This isn’t rocket science. Stores have handy stickers on the floor that literally tell you exactly where to stand. So stand there and wait until I have grabbed my bags and vacated the scene.
Then you may walk forward and put your bags down. Seriously, I can’t believe I have to explain this to grownups.
Yeah, I know, it’s a drag having to follow rules and be, you know, patient, but people’s lives are at stake.
Oh, and for the parents out there, please tell your adorable child to get away from me too. I don’t want them sidling up next to me when I’m out in public. And when you and I lock eyes and I tell you that your precious child is too close, don’t get offended. Sit your child down and read them the riot act so they don’t do it again.
Check out this tweet from the Philippines. It shows a bunch of street cats sitting in the circles that have been drawn for customers so they know where it’s safe to stand.
These stray cats were spotted occupying the circle marks intended for the implementation of social distancing protocols in front of a store in Brgy. Holy Spirit, Quezon City on Sunday amid enhanced community quarantine. pic.twitter.com/EqOORqCJMa
— The Philippine Star (@PhilippineStar) May 13, 2020
If a frigging cat can figure this out, then you can too.
Follow Chris Campbell on Twitter @shinebox44.
