We can’t just leap into 2018 without first crawling out on the proverbial pundit limb.
Yes, it’s time for the annual new year predictions.
Thankfully few readers (with the marked exception of politicians) remember our predictions from years past. This enables us to say with some humility that we have a remarkable talent for predicting future events.
But this year we’re testing our prognostication talents and stretching our clairvoyant wings.
We predict:
1. Mayor Derek Corrigan and his council will come up with some plan to have a temporary/permanent homeless shelter. Look for a modular building that can be moved or a building that is already slated for demolition. Or the old Queen of Burnaby ferry. Corrigan will say that this is driven by the new provincial government and that he was always in favour of it, if the other levels of government pitched in. But as an aside, he will confess that he’s just doing it to stop the Burnaby NOWfrom writing anymore editorials about it. He will also give the Burnaby NOW’s editor a key to the city – and then change the locks.
2. The October civic elections will see the usual BCA sweep – except for one city council seat, which will go to a newcomer. (And, yes, we’ve predicted this before and been wrong – but we’re really feeling the vibes this year.)
3. Some candidate running against the BCA slate will cry foul about something involving money, campaign support or election signs.
4. The city will continue to ignore calls for a new art gallery. But they will hand out free skates and hockey pads to artists in an effort to appease them.
5. The city’s plan to create a new downtown core in Metrotown will take a giant leap forward when more large retail stores close and the open space is repurposed into cannabis market centres.
6. Kinder Morgan will ask the federal government to expropriate Burnaby until it can build its pipeline, citing case law about stubborn mayors who don’t understand how important it is to make as much money as quickly as possible before people figure out fossil fuels are a dying investment. The federal government will consider the request but decline, saying they’re afraid of Derek Corrigan.
7. A UFO will land in Burnaby’s Central Park but it will be disguised as a homeless person’s tent, so everyone will ignore it.
8. Christy Clark will consider running for mayor in Burnaby and leading a slate of council candidates made up of her former Burnaby Liberal MLAs led by Harry Bloy, but she will eventually decide not to, saying she’s afraid of Derek Corrigan.
We, of course, have many more predictions. But we’d prefer for events to roll out and then say that we knew that was going to happen all along.
